Girl Vs Bear
July 24th, 2006

Girl Vs Bear

Long time so see, folks. Check out the slammin’ new forum.

Top Stories: Bionic Limb Breakthrough, Scientists Make Bionic Muscles, Artificial Hand Created

I think it’s time to get serious about making sure that since the future has finally arrived, we should look and act the part. I’m concerned that when I do start getting visits from my past time travelling self via improbable paradox that I should look and feel like an older and sufficiently bionic version of my time travelling double. With this in mind I propose a Time Traveller Expectation Aesthetic Initiative, in which we the inhabitants of the possible future shall take the appropriate steps to make sure our dopples from the past get what they expect.. Here’s how it works:

- Grow a beard or stylish goatee. Facial hair is the first indicator between past and future. If you have a beard already, dye it gray. If you’re a girl, borrow one from a friend.
- If you’re going to sever a limb, make sure to replace it with a robotic one, otherwise you’ll just look feeble. This means, no hooks, pegs, wooden legs or those creepy forearm claws. The future may be exponentially more dangerous, but it also provides equal or superior functionality.
- Nobody has two visible eyes in the future. Your choices are eyepatch, cyborg eye, flight goggles, or Geordi LaForge visor.

The future is now.

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